In a recent poll on the Whatsgoodly app from The University of Wisconsin, guys chimed in about the biggest pluses of dating a girl. About 39% of men preferred women who are, “smart and can hold intellectual conversations.” Whereas, 30% of respondents preferred girls who “can hang with the bros and fits in.”
Guys, perhaps you’re finding it difficult to find that special girl who is smart and informed, yet can also chill with the guys. Where is she? Is she even out there? We assure you, there are plenty of informed chill ladies out there, so we’re going to keep it real with you. Perhaps there are things you should change about yourself in order to attract this fierce intellectual girl that you’re seeking.
Don’t worry, boys– we girls have issues, too. But today, we’re just focusing some issues you could work on to make yourself more receptive to noticing the girl of your dreams, who could already be right in front of you.
You care too much about her “number”
Not her phone number, her other number– the number of guys she’s been with. For some odd reason, it matters to a bunch of guys and it’s usually a deal breaker. Men have also slept with women and their number doesn’t seem to affect anything, yet girls can’t do the same?
If your mindset is, “I don’t want to be with her if she slept with X number of men,” change it. The only thing you have to care about is if the girl you want to date has had a recent STD screening and that you both practice safe sex. After all, you’ll be dating her, not the previous men that she’s slept with.
You sleep around a lot
In relation to the point prior to this point, there’s a possibility that you’re single because you’ve built up a reputation for being a player. Yes, it’s hot. Yes, some girls find the bad boy persona irresistible, but an equal number may not be interested in a guy who seemingly uses women and then throws them away.
If you really want to find someone, avoid developing a reputation that can make you seem heartless. Look at Barney Stinson, he’s the player king of New York City but he eventually stopped because he wanted to get the girl. Then again, if you want to enjoy life and taste all the girls you come across: more power to you. Just know that some women may not be into it.
You think she’s out of your league
Never think you’re out of someone’s league. Self-confidence (not over-confidence) in a guy is very attractive. No issue with being shy, but come on, man. It’s not as if you’re trying to date Taylor Swift while you’re busting your ass in college.
Go ask that girl out. If she declines, be cool about it and move on. If she agrees, then woooo! Be your best self and show her what you’ve got.
You think everyone is out of your league
And on the other side of the spectrum, there are the dudes who think that the only girls that they should be dating are Victoria’s Secret or Sports Illustrated models. It’s understandable if you want to meticulously curate your Tinder matches, but it’s just weird if you think you’re above the people around you who’d want to date you.
Yes, yes. You’re a total prize and you work so hard in the gym for that body of a Greek god, but you’re still human. If you continue with the mindset that most people don’t deserve you, you might end up attracting your own worst enemy—someone as shallow and vapid as yourself.
You’re a total douchebag
It’s 2015. Stop being sexist/racist/transphobic or discriminatory to other underrepresented communities. This doesn’t only apply to how you see females, it includes how you treat those who may face different challenges in life.
If you constantly make sexist jokes or comments, expect red flags to start raising in girls’ heads. She may be cool and act like one of the guys sometimes, but don’t expect her to be amused when you make inappropriate comments about her body or when you tell her that she belongs in the kitchen.
Additionally, many modern day women just cannot handle the dude-bro culture of putting down other people. If you’re making fun of her gay friend, or making racial slurs against a group of people, intelligent women aren’t going to want to be around you. So, get with the program.
You’re still hung up on your ex
If you’re hating your single life because you miss your ex, then you’re not ready to date anyone just yet. The kind of spark you had with her may not be the same with the next girl. It may be stronger, it may be weaker– but you’ll constantly compare your new prospects to your old flame.
Let go of any hang ups you might have before moving on to the next one. You’re not just hurting yourself, but also an innocent person who is in no way ready for your drama.
You’re easily bored
If you don’t have any hang ups from an ex, then maybe you’re someone who jumps from one relationship to another. Also known as being a serial monogamist. The “honeymoon phase” of every relationship is fun and exciting, and you’re constantly looking for that feeling. Well, just don’t.
Relationships have their lulls and blah moments. It’s a fact. If you can’t accept it, just stay single and look for that excitement in something else.
You’re a commitment-phobe
You don’t want a person to have and to hold for a long time. You just want a cuddle buddy because you’re scared of going to bed alone. You inevitably freak out when things start getting serious and you bail, either by ghosting (aka disappearing without a trace) or being thick-headed by parading the next chick under your previous conquest’s nose.
Fear of committing isn’t a male-exclusive phobia. Girls have it, too. So, if you’re just looking for a friends with benefits type situation, be upfront about it. You might be surprised at how many ladies would take you up on the offer.
You already have too much on your plate
You’re in college in the mornings and you have a part-time job in the afternoons/evenings. During your spare time on the weekends, you probably have a different part-time job or you use it to do whatever hobby you have. Great! You’re using your college years to make something of yourself and build your skills and your interests.
So– why ask for a relationship now? Yes, you can have it all, but you’re just signing yourself up to crash and burn. Don’t force things and look for a relationship when you’re still figuring out your life. Let it come to you naturally. When you try to have everything at one go, you’ll end up losing the truly important things, like y’know, yourself.
You’re too picky
Being picky is different from being a man who thinks he’s too good for everyone. Picky people tend to date almost anyone, but drop them like bad habits when they see deal breakers. Oh, that smart girl gets too loud when she drinks wine? Ugh. Next!
You’re searching for that “perfect” girl when everyone you date seem to have some entirely despicable personality trait. Dude, this is earth, not heaven. Perfection doesn’t exist anywhere near you.
Now, go get the girl of your dreams
Remember, boys: you may think the world is a bit bleaker because you’re single, but a lot of girls in the world feel the same, too. Just enjoy life for now and let things take its course. Do things that make you happy.
Share your thoughts in the comments
So, men and women of Whatsgoodly, any additional advice that you might have about singleness? Share your thoughts in the comments section! Also, if you want to feed your curiosity and ask questions, feel free to download the Whatsgoodly app on your smartphone and ask away!